Recently most posts on my blog have been about opinions, or what not, and your mileage may vary on how good those opinions are - or even if they are articulated well. I have been reluctant to delve into my past to write a post about old stories, partly because they sometimes aren't funny, or worthwhile, but also I find that they are quite often... fucking boring.
Not this story.
The story starts with me sitting at my desk at work about to get into the car to drive home. I was packing my stuff up and my phone rings, and I answer it. Connie is on the other end, a little alarmed, and says a phrase that I can't quite imagine ever having predicted her to say to me:
"I need you to come home - there is an emergency with a snake"
I don't own a snake, and neither did Connie, but one of our friends did - Hayley was in the middle of transporting her brother's snake to somewhere that was going to take care of them. On the way there Hayley felt something touch her leg under her seat and found the snake had ESCAPED from the cage (at this point in the story telling, I realise I have no idea what someone keeps a snake in, so I am guessing a cage) and was roaming about the car.
So, Hayley called Connie in a bit of a panic and asked for help. Connie called me (I had the SnakeMobile) and I raced home and then we hot-footed it to the local pet shop, and Connie went in to find something that could be used to coax the snake out from under the seat in the car. Meanwhile, the car was parked on the side of the road next to the Raith interchange, and both Hayley and her mum were in a bit of a state.
Connie and I rush into the pet shop, aiming to grab a mouse, but of course a pet shop doesn't sell live mice... well, actually they do, but not to feed to a snake. And, for our own conscience, we decided to be honest and not pretend otherwise. So, our only option was a frozen, ethically already dead, mouse. We were offered different sizes, and as many as we needed by the helpful salesperson, but we really thought just to get the one. So, after grabbing the mouse and paying (little tip: a frozen dead mouse is a cheap snack, coming at around 50p each) we headed back to the car.
We quickly realised that the mouse was still very frozen after getting into the car, so as we hop onto the motorway heading towards the rouge snake I ramp up the heating to the max and air conditioning to the full fan, and Connie takes the bag and holds it over the front air vent in an attempt to defrost the mouse. But of course we were then roasting in the car, so to help I rolled the front windows down. I accelerate up to 70 and jump into the fast lane, speeding to the rescue.
Finding Hayley and her mum parked at the side, we find out that the snake had been captured just ahead of our arrival, much to our disappointment. After a laugh and a hug, we head back, knowing that when we are called upon we could be snake rescuers.
And no, we didn't keep the mouse. Not my kind of thing, and Frank doesn't like them. Hayley kept the mouse as a treat (not for her).