(Oh hi! It's been a while. Yeah, I've not posted properly for weeks - that'll be being a father, the radio show, being in Canada (!), being in Aberdeen (!!), and generally run off my feet. Have no fear though - you're about to have a mountain of posts thunder their way on the blog.)
Since I have been cycling to work (haven't you heard?) I have been showing in the office upon arrival. I needed to do this at first because due to my weak fitness levels by the time I had managed to negotiate Mike's old bike into the office I was breathing right out my arse, covered in a thin film of sickly sweaty. Now though, as my stamina has iincreased and my engine has got more powerful (and I'm riding a pretty good bike) I have no need to shower this detritus off myself - instead, it's to repair my helmet hair.
The shower in the office is... well, it passable. It is small, dark, windowless (actually, that might be a good thing) and has a couple of hooks for clothes and a wee tiny towel that at first I didn't know what it was for. It's too small for someone to use as a towel to dry with, and it's too big to have been a hand towel. I wasn't sure what to do with this towel, so I ignored it, until one day the penny dropped - it was the floor mat. There are a few notices on the wall too - "Warning: Hot Water" and "Don't turn the shower up past 9 it'll get to [sic] hot". That last one makes no sense as there are THREE power settings like any conventional shower, so the "9" makes no sense. And even on the hottest power setting it's still not cut out on my yet, so the notice is a liar.
After Christmas however something officially terrible had started to happen. Someone had been storing their kit bag, shoes, towel and running clothes in the shower room. For a week I tolerated it, not saying anything and then left it for a week whilst I was in Aberdeen. When I came back... they were still there, haunting my space, disrupting the area in which was limited previously but was now positively and perilously comprimised. I was ready to get busy and confront this inconsiderate person face to face with a lightly worded email to the receptionist, but alas I didn't have to - someone else must have done as the very next morning a new notice had been posted.
"This shower room is for the use of those who are going to use it" - it admittedly didn't start the best, but it gets better. "If you don't remove your items they will be removed and stored at reception". I felt a victory in sight. Despite the notice's best effort to be noticed, the compromiser kept leaving their gear there for the rest of the week until the final no-holds barred note was placed this time directly on top of the person's items.
"This shower room is for the use of those who are going to use it" - no point fixing what was broken, I guess, but the power of the note was stronger. "If these things are still here by the end of the week, they'll be removed".
I think that no matter what happens in the future we have seen a good escalation of formal passive aggressive notes and no matter what happens, we are all better for the idea that the true owner of the terrible bag and items left knows that they have woven a tale I will tell to my friends, family, and work-colleagues for a few minutes and then forget all about it until I try to get changed and fall over their stupid stupid trainers.