The Endless Battle Between Getting Fit and Not Wanting To Do It

Or Mark is Lazy.

A month or so ago, I tried on my kilt for the first time in 10 months. I bought the kilt in 2007, as part of my graduation, and back then I was skinny. Not fit - skinny. I had moved out of my parents and despite boozing and eating bacon, I walked all over the city for Uni and stood for five or six hours on a weekend (maybe even twice) whilst working at Rock Steady. Putting weight on or off wasn't an issue - I don't even think I considered it.

In early 2009 however, I made a change to my diet that would see me go skinny again, but this time it was fitness that did it. I actually went to the gym, I play fives twice a week sometimes, and walked all over Aberdeen. I ate better (or at least, less shit), and generally started feeling better about myself.

That changed in Texas. I ate like garbage there because... well, Texas. And that hasn't ever really stopped. With two kids under the age of four it is difficult to find time to work out and lose weight and stay healthy. Or, actually, no it isn't.

It simply isn't.

I just can't make the difficult choices. I have pretty much zero mettle (or willpower, whatever the word is) that makes me fight through pain of working out and keeping to a strict diet. After many hundreds of attempts of "getting better" and "getting fit" I've failed at almost all of them, and that's not for the want of being better - I just can't translate that want into the requirement to do it. It just isn't in me.

That's not an excuse though. In fact, it's bullshit. It's like saying "I crashed the car and it wasn't my fault I was driving". I needed to change my lifestyle and eating habits wholesale, and it was going to be difficult. Connie and I both need to be healthier - our daughters are busy little clever bees, and to keep up with either of them we need to be in peak condition, and I am far from that.

So what do we do? Well, after a few false starts, I have started spinning. Spin classes were a "fasd" in my eyes, a thing that people do to punish themselves. I'd seen videos of people spinning on bikes to music and it looked like my idea of hell - coordinated bike riding to music I don't like spurred on by a fitter-that-normal dickhead shouting platitudes about "you can do it!" and "your only enemy is yourself!" - I mean come on, what bollocks.

But guess what - it's all true. All of it. The bike riding to music I don't like does motivate me! Being spurred on by a fitter-that-normal dickhead shouting platitudes about "you can do it!" and "your only enemy is yourself!" actually makes me want to go harder and faster! It turns out that all I needed was exactly what I assumed I didn't need, and boom - we are off to a powerful cardio workout start that is intense and I actually enjoy.

In the moment, at times, I do not enjoy it - I've swore at the instructors many a time, and exhaled loudly "oh, fuuuuuck" a few times a class yes, but luckily they'll never hear it, because I'm not actually physically going to a class. Instead, we've signed up to an online spin class on our ancient 2010 vintage iPad 2, and get spurred on by our virtual trainers.

I don't know if the over all effect will be a lot of weightloss as more work is needed on weights and stuff, but the fitness levels I am beinging to feel rival those days in Aberdeen of fives and gym-ing. And yes, I know, it's too early to say if i'll keep this up, but I need to break through this mental barrier that I keep erecting that stops me from doing it, and so far, with the classes help it's been a success so far.

It has been a success because of Connie though, obviously. She's powered me through harder workouts and given me encouragement and then afterwards commented about how it looks like I am getting fitter. I can only speak for my own journey, but with her along side for the ride - I feel like not only that I can't fail, that I won't fail.

And that is actually the biggest change - I feel like this time I know I will keep at it, breaking the cycle of giving up, and that's actually going to stop me from giving up. Wild, eh?