The Tale of Rock Steady 8: Prso, Rae, Klos, Shields...

Working at Rock Steady has both been exasperating, and also a whirlwind of fun and sometimes can be a really good laugh. Like this Sunday, I was tasked with working in the Members Lounge. This meant that at my (possible) last shift at Ibrox, I managed to fit in all the areas within hospitality into my short period of time I have worked there, Members being the last area.

It was both a good laugh and a easy shift.

The Members area is much better than the subject of my last rant, Bar72. Members is the poshest area within the stadium, being only one step (and a doorway) away from the chairman's room. This area of the stadium is by invite only; you will not find a ticket for this area on the website. Most of the old players and people connected with the club are here, such as commercial directors and others. And, due to it's proximity to the chairman's room, all the players.* See Appendix.

Ah the lifts, an endless stream of anecdotes from the lifts in Ibrox. The lift in question this week is rather different from the rest of the lifts in the stadium, as it does not break down (though likes to hide on the 2nd floor for some reason, I think it must get bullied by the staircases or something). For other reasons though, there can be special notability attached to it, as it is "David Murray's lift". He is the chairman of Rangers, for those who do not know. It was placed there, because the tunnel area is below the members lounge and the chairman's club, meaning that if he wants to go down to the team, he must go down a floor, and specially asked for this lift to be built. It is small, approximately just small enough to disallow any swing whatsoever, never mind a cat. It can fit 5 people comfortably, 6 at a squeeze, 8 at London Underground comfort levels, and trying to fit 10 into it would be similar to trying to squeeze Johnny Vegas into one the small Postman Pat kiddy rides outside your local Morrison's.

It is also special as it requires, out of this capacity of 5, a member of Rock Steady, which this Saturday, on rotation was me. To gain access to the lift, you must key in a secret password (which I know) into a keypad, where the traditional button would be. The key pad makes a beeping noise, akin to an alarm panel, or an old Nokia phone. This means, if someone forgets the code, they are heard from within the lift pressing a ritualistic 4, 8, or 12 and even 16 keys before giving up, or getting it right. Humuorously, this took place one time after the lift doors shut on a floor, but the lift did not move. I then heard someone enter a set of 4 keys. And nothing. They then entered another 4 keys after waiting around 30 seconds, which must have seemed to them a regular amount of time to be patient before become irate with the slow lift. Nothing doing. I realised they were entering the wrong code, but did not realise as such; there is a little green light and turns on if you get right. I smiled, and made the decision to not open the doors for the customer, enjoying my small Führer moment of power.

Someone then came along, and they said to this unknown party "The fucking lift's stuck". I thought this would be the perfect time to open the doors. The look on the member of staffs face was of total annoyance. I have to make the time pass somehow.

Appendix
I am not one to drop names, so here is a list of all the famous people I have met since I started working with Rock Steady.
Walter Smith
Ally McCoist
Ian Durrant
Andy Goram
Lorenzo Amorouso
Micheal Micheal Mols
Dado Prso
Kris Boyd
Gavin Rae
Ugo Ehiogu
Chris Burke
Kaspar Schemichael
Gordon Strachan
Neil Lennon
Thomas Graveson
Jan Venegoor of Hesselink
Gareth Southgate
Jim White
Charlie Nicholas
Pat Nevin
Dougie Donnelly
One of the Proclaimers
Darren Jackson

Actually, are any of the above really famous, outside of Heterosexual male footballing fans? I think the only real famous person was Paolo Coelho, who has sold over 90million books, and I did not even know who he was, for the shame of it.

NOTE: I notice I have posted this before part III of the Final Exams, but fuck it, I can do what I want.