In The Middle of the North Sea Pt. 6

The Offshore Shuffle

In my first few days I encountered some of the most interesting moments that anyone can have whilst going offshore. At first, I was bumped by a day due to weather. This meant I got paid for a day on the rig when I was really in my own bed. Then, once offshore, I saw calm waters and the most amazing sunrise and sunset that I can remember. Then, the weather went mental again, and the rig was bouncing about like a child on a new bed, and some people were told that thier flight back had been cancelled, and the unhappy riggers were aplenty. Then, today, I was phoned by the new FCO.

He asked me this: "Have I finished what I was setting out to do?"

There are many ways to answer this pointed question, and I shall detail them here.

Firstly, there is the honest answer, which is "Kind of". I have spent the first few days finding everything, then the last few days typing it all up - an activity that I could do when I am onshore in the office. I'd rather be here though earning the extra money I tell myself.

Secondly, the wrong answer. "No". This means that I am to stay till Thursday and not go about my work but instead fanny around on my blog, BBC Website and Googlewhacking words for the rest of the time, earning a little cash at the same time.

Thirdly, there is smart answer. "Yes". This guaruntees getting off this rust bucket as soon as possible, and frees up some beds.

Guess which I said. Three's a charm. Instantly he was glad - he could get my dayshift bed for the next few days, and would get onto sorting it out as soon as. I asked when he was wanting to get me off and he replied "Tomorrow."

So, you are wondering, will I get off tomorrow? No. The problem is that there ain't any spaces on the flights and the closet I could get was Wednesday. A full day less! Wow. At least the flight is in the morning which means that I can away with doing nowt while I wait for the chopper to come in.

In a more repulsive and insightful point, I was sitting at dinner a few days ago, and the room was packed. This meant sharing my table with some of the seasoned riggers. The final seat at the table was filled by one that I would call the banter hub of the floor - someone who seems to always have a word or a phrase for any time of the day and any situation. A bit annoying, sure, but remarkably funny when he pulls it off. So, to greet the table he says "Hey, Andy, whit ye gonna do tonight? Choke the Chicken?" to which Messer Andy replys "Aye, whit else is thur tae do?". Now I thought this was a joke, so I smiled, but stopped when...

The banter-centre says "Seriously, you goat any porn wi' ye?"

So, my predictions in brackets, real score in normal.
Arsenal 1(3 v 1)1 Birmingham
Aston Villa 3(2 v 0)1 Reading
Chelsea 2(3 v 3)0 Tottenham
Derby 0(2 v 0)1 Wigan
Everton 1(1 v 1)0 Man City
Middlesbrough 1(1 v 4)1 Liverpool
West Ham 2(3 v 4)1 Fulham
Man Utd 6(3 v 0)0 Newcastle

God that was embarrassing.