Insanity Crash: Fat Bastards

Thinking about it, this might be the most incendiary and unpolitically correct post I have ever made, and I see it as an important thing to get off my chest, but before we go any further there are some things that I need to point out so I don’t seem hypocritical. The first is that I am medically overweight clocking in at a lovely 26.5 BMI, so maybe I am fat. I am not “thin” anyway, but I also think I am healthyish. Not Proflax thin or Shayan healthy, but at least I am aware that I might need some help and shift some bulk. Secondly, this is not an attack at why people are overweight, but the consequences I have to face because they are overweight. With that out the way, I can start to talk the fat bastards.

I used to use public transport. I still do occasionally. I also used to eat Greggs. I will and do use planes, and also sometimes have to be served at a bar. All of these are important. On the bus, fat people are the most incredible type. They seem to have this feeling that they are disabled, and can use the elderly seat as a seat for them selves. This throws a problem that means that real disabled and elderly people have to walk up the aisle with the bus driver dodging chicanes at Le Mans. It also means that those idiots that don’t fold their prams away can’t put their spoilt child on the bus easily. They also spill over, their fat occupying spaces that are not only not theirs but are inside my sphere of personal comfort – this means they should pay more for the space that they are taking from me.

Greggs is unhealthy, and I know that. The sandwiches have those sauces and dressings that are very fatty, and the processed meat like chicken slices and ham are filled with salt too, and the white bread is pretty bad as well but I eat them. The sausage rolls are also only 28% meat, which is pretty bad. But my main beef with the fats and the Greggs is the look on the face of a fat person eating a sausage roll is the most horrible expression I have seen, and is like their come-face. It is also bad when you see the sweaty fatty walking down the road with the crumbs and flakes of pastry sitting precariously on their fleece or flourescent jacket.

Aeroplanes are the most contentious of places where the fat person is king. When I go on holiday I have to take 23kg of clothes maximum, which for me is fair enough. Hazel struggles to take that amount with her hundreds of shoes and clothes and mortar bricks, but we both weigh a modest amount. Imgaine the following scenario. I take 25kg of crap on holiday, and get rejected. We can't find space in either of our cases for the other 2kg and the airline refuse us on the flight. Imainge I weigh 85kg and Hazel x kg. 85+x+25+23 = (133 +x). The fat people behind us have the same allowance, but they weigh 120kg and 131kg. Therefore 120+133+23+23 = 299kg. Thus, unless Hazel weighs 166kg (which she doesn't, being all thin and beautiful*) then we are down on our total allowance. They get away with carrying extra baggage! Why do I not get to use the allowance they have been able to use in their considerable hulk to fill my bags with dark matter?

The bar is pretty annoying but the scheme of things is annoying, but in relation to the above not that bad, but I hate the extra bar-real estate that they take up. And the smell.

In conclusion, the consequences on obesity are large, and not just the money and the mortalitly. The most annoying thing about a fat person is the airplane baggage allowance. I have to note at this point that I can imagine that someone who is overweight probably does have a problem and that it might be genetic, but to be honest, if we didn't have the food, you wouldn't eat too much of it. Stop eating and you might loose weight! Do exercise! Infact, if you stick to the calorie limits the body should work it all out, brung the calories that you take in without having to fanny about at a gym! It has worked for hundreds of thousands of years/thousands of years (delete if you are funamentalist) and it still can work.

I'll get off my high horse now. I am hungry.

*This blog is now Hazel's homepage on her new laptop.