Insanity Crash: Mark & Neds: A Serial Piece about Glasgow’s Ne’er-do-wells 3

It has been a while since my last post, a large rant about Shayan's grammar and basically spelling and such, and the gap was caused by a few things. Firstly, I was busy, secondly I took some time off work, and thirdly because nothing really that exciting happened to me recently. So, when in need of a post, delve into History...

This is the third (first, second) in the series about my experiences with Neds from my childhood, of which I have many having attended that glorious institution the State School, wherein you are subjected to racism, homophobia, bullying and general depression by just going to school. In saying that, I rather enjoyed school, and while I was a fish out of water during first and second year being subjected to hours of brainy question answering in front of a class of dullards, with a few exceptions, the last few years were quite enjoyable.

In fact, I yearn for them now, but that is silly I know - I am long since out of that education mess and into the "real" world as it is.

However, rarely, if ever, did I get to act like a Ned at school, though in sixth year we got all the fun of the fair. Choosing subjects in sixth year was fun and by choosing to do three Advance Highers, the stupidest decision of my life, I managed to get away with doing pretty much no work at all - having got an unconditional for my course of choice, I lacked any incentive to do any sort of work and took that to extremes. The following are three stories of 6th shenanigans that will forever be anecdotes to use for the rest of my life.

1 - The Challenge
Physics is one of the classes at school I really enjoyed, and the teachers were as enthusiastic about their subject as any. This probably rubbed off onto me and my 1 and B in 4th and 5th year show that I took it seriously, but as soon as I arrived in that class to find Proflax (ahem), Steven and Alexa plus me, I knew it was all over. The sporadic teaching method most 6th year classes got was perfect for these periods and fun times began.

The Challenge was simple - get around the classroom in record time without touching the ground. Placed stools and tables were the course, and jumping, falling, shouting and "edgy" were aplomb, with more than one close shave. All the while Steven and I, the two perennial slackers, jumped around the room like idiots trying to open a fire exit from the outside, Proflax (ahem) and Alexa sat doing work. We were not caught.

2 - The Window
Same room, same time, same idea - do something mental without getting caught. Mr Ghatory left use normally each period after laughing at Proflax (ahem) and Steve came up with the grandest idea of all. Climb out of the window. So, stool and window in place, Steve made the great escape. Once outside (after realising the drop from the ground floor window was a little higher than we thought) he ran around the building and back in the main door. This went off without a hitch - unless you call almost getting caught by Mr Ghatory outside at the main door a hitch. Laughter and fun were everywhere, but again, Proflax and Alexa worked.

3 - The Banning
I got banned from Maths in 6th year too. Steve was once again involved, but this time I feel (and still to this day) hard done by. The timetable was something like this: Monday, 4th period, we had computing and were working on our projects, and I think we were making good progress. I had managed to make a button click, and Steve had almost managed to stop his battleship program from taking 6 turns each shot. Kind of like a shotgun style approach to the strategy classic. Over lunch we continued our bought of computing, and into 5th period where we should have been at Maths with NAMELESS TEACHER A. We then went to Physics at 6th period, and were informed by the early arrival of Alexa that we had been "banned".
"What do you mean?"
"[Proflax] told NAMELESS TEACHER A that you had stayed in computing and said to tell you not to come back."

Bemusement took hold. Saleem arrived and we had a good old laugh about it, surely she couldn't ban us, could she?

Well, we turned up to NAMELESS TEACHER A's class the next day, 3rd period, and were promptly told to "Leave, and never come back." Even Colin, who had even been in the class yesterday, was told to leave. "I was here Miss!" he exclaimed, to much amusement. I asked her "Why?" in the most condescending way I might have ever talked to a teacher in my life, and she went a bit mental. I started saying that "Elizabeth had missed almost every class this week (and was not there today) but she had not been banned!" to which it wasn't taken lightly. Upon leaving, laughing, slightly worried but also slightly happy, Steve motioned to Proflax (ahem) "You're dead", NAMELESS TEACHER A ran out of the classroom, saying "No violence to [Proflax]! It is not his fault you don't appreciate my teaching!"

So, fuck. The next day, in a different teacher's maths class, he told us to come to him for tuition instead of going no where.

And the moral of the above story? I passed computing and failed Maths. I probably should have had the bitch sacked, eh?

Note: These are stories about the only times I acted like a Ned. Maybe one day I'll tell you of the stories about apples and coke bottles...