Insanity Crash: "You of won a packet of crisps!"

I am going to say it now to get it out of the way. Two sentences in and you are probably wondering what "it" is, and don't worry. The fourth sentence will explain everything. I was not exactly stellar at spelling at school and university, and you might have also noticed that I have been caught with a few telling errors creeping through the Word spell checker and then the Blogger spell checker. I try really, really hard, but occasionally I am caught out by a word I can't seem to grasp how it is spelled. In other places, it will be a typographical error, in my unorthodox method of typing, my hands flail all over the keyboard, with different fingers changing letter, typing random letters without really need to think about.

This has came into the fore because Shayan, my current flatmate and work colleague, is not British, as in, was not born here. He now owns a British passport, so I suppose he is as Queen's British as I am, but he still struggles with one aspect of our culture, and that is our language. I got that first paragraph out of the way so I would not seem so hypocritical, but in anycase, the third paragraph will still be.

I pick up on his phrasings a lot because they are particularly A) Annoying, and B) simply wrong. Here are a couple of choice errors:

"Would of", as in "I would of done that."
- This is obviously taken from hearing the phrase "would have" in the Scottish accent. The error here lies in a misunderstanding of the use of apostrophes in speech and spelling, as they denote a missing letter shortening the word. Cue many times of "would-of" being pointed out as being erroneous.

"Is it?", as in "What we doing tonight?", "Going to the pub.", "Is it?"
- To be honest I have no idea where this one came from, but I can only imagine it was picked up by either listening to another foreign member of his class as school, or by watching a London based TV show as I only hear it from Shayan and when it is name checked in the outrageously clever Dans le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip track. The problem with this phrase is not in it's mistaken use (in the above example it should be "Are we?") but in the error that it is actually not even a proper sentence, or even, a proper collection of words. It is wrong, and the amount of times it is used is countless, and also it is impossible to point out every single time it is used.

The above are just from Shayan, so time to pull the cap of enlightenment back on my self and point out some serious flaws in my own language.

Basically, I hardly remember anything about being taught how to construct sentences. A famous line of question came about through general chat with one of my more Studious friends where I exclaimed "I like maths because 2+2 always equals 5" where his retort was "English is the same; you just were not taught that way." I think that even if I was taught the correct way to grammaticise my sentences and spell words in a way that made sense, I probably wouldn't have done an engineering degree, having to spend all the time I spent learning Maths to learning the ridiculously complicated rules of English. All I had to do was read 4 pages of a grammar book to say "To hell with this" and threw it away.

In the end, it comes down to the way we were taught, and Shayan, being Iranian, has to learn English from scratch and missed learning all the ridiculous pronunciations and spellings. Like Corps = Core, Colonel = Kernal and Read /= Read. I think it might be harder to relearn the correct way to say everything, and structure everything, when I have been bollocking it up for the last 20 odd years, than learning it rightish from the start, and then it being bastardised by the West of Scotland dialect.

If I hadn't of started blogging, would of it mattered? Is it?