Thoughts on Weakness

Is weakness a bad thing to admit to? Or is it a bad thing to have? I have recently been thinking about weakness and being weak about certain parts of your philosophy or personality and how some times these weakness can be exploited by people or not even noticed by you until it’s too late, or even when a weakness can cause you to like a person more in both a good way and a bad way. The reason this came to my mind was the recent political turmoil in which we suddenly realised that we, as a nation, had allowed a political party with political views that the majority don’t agree with to get into power.

The BNP have been called various names over the last few weeks and most of them seem to be negative – Nazi, Racist, Bigoted… they’re all quite terrible names and most of these have not only came from the pro-labour or the pro-conservative newspapers or columnists, but actually from the parties themselves. Something to unite behind; the cumulative fail that was letting things get so shit in the country that people have started to listen to the people whose only solution to the problem is to get rid of the cause, not fix the problem at the core.

But what is the problem? Herein lies one of my weaknesses. I like to think that I am quite intellectual and could hold up a conversation about most topics with ease. Political hot potatoes, such as gay marriage, abortion, euthanasia, global warming, nuclear disarmament or even the internet, I’d like to be thought of as someone who could spar with most opponents well in a calculated debate with a similarly intellectual person. These political hot potatoes are easy to have opinions about but when comes to the actual politics, and the lines in which we are supposed to divide along, I’m woefully behind the times when it comes to who to decide to vote for. I have no idea where my ideas lie or where I should lay my head at night because, to be honest, I feel that it’s a waste of fucking time, more about point scoring than it is about the way the country is run.

But then again, that’s the way I think now, and that might change. I suppose what’s the point in speaking when no one is listening? Is there a rhyme or reason to wanting to vent your opinion, and are you still allowed to do it when most people think it is wrong, or when you have base for the answer? This of course, is the way things are. Idiots vote for idiots, and idiots make up the majority of the population, and politically I am one and I didn’t vote last week. This means I am part of the 63% of the population that didn’t vote last week. The majority that now are appalled at the fact that the BNP have a seat or two in government. Can we be outraged at something we chose not to have a say in?

I have decided that my strengths out weigh my weaknesses. It’s telling that even in a room full of people that I can still feel alone, all alone in the dark of company. In the shadow of a voice, in the echo of a scream, there’s a place where you’ll find me probably listening. Just because I haven’t spoke doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the conversation, where I am supposed to stand, or even that I have opinion. If I’m not asked then I probably won’t answer, that’s the kind of person I am. There needs to be a question before you’ll get an answer out of me, and when I think that my answer is not worth voicing, or it’s baseless from an educational point of view (in that I don’t know why I have the answer) then I won’t say it. I need to know the workings of things, it’s been engrained in me ever since I was hit on the head at school by a teacher for not showing how x=2 in three thousand steps.

Things need to have a beginning, a route from there, and an end, and if the end is wrong in my head then it won’t be said. So maybe my weakness is not that I am voiceless, but too considerate? In any rate, I’m disappointed that certain people used their vote for a party that I don’t agree with, but without their workings there is no way I can say they were wrong. Indeed, who is wrong?

Are they for voting after coming up with an answer, or myself for not voting because I couldn’t justify my answer to myself?