The C Word (or, Cunts).

Note: This post contains Swearing. And, for those confused: I have a real blog, at and Facebook pulls all of them off this site and posts them to Facebook. :)

It's a terrible word that I say far too often - though not in the presence of ladies, or younger people, or my parents. I don't care so much for the word to be honest. Actually, to be honest, a fucking love the word. It's so sharp, scythe-like, it's a dagger in the sentence and used sparingly can give the affect required in swearing that's commonly lost these days.

But as a Glaswegian however, I have a problem, and that's that whilst in certain parts of the country the word causes offence, the most important thing that you need to know is that I call my mates the C word, because it's "Scottish for Amigo". The thing is that whilst I do use it far too often for it to be really called a surprise that I use it, there are a couple of groups of people that actually cannot describe without using the word.

Being offshore means I run into the cunts more and more each day, and more than I want to see at any point in my life. These are the ways in which I have met Cunts offshore this week so far.

- In the TV room there is a cunt who repeats the phrases said on the TV at most points. Like "" and "This is BBC News" but with a squeaky voice that makes me want to rip off my shoe and shove it so far up his arse he'll forever be biting the lip of my boot when goes to kiss his horrible wife.
- This same cunt actually sleeps, each day, without fail, in the TV room after lunch taking up a 3 man sofa. Obviously the boy thinks this is acceptable, but it's not. It's very fucking not. And qualifies him as a CUNT, in caps.
- There's the homophobic cunt. We were watching STV News (or North Tonight for those who live in the glorious state of Grampian) and Sean Batty came on to tell us about the weather. Now, not to be hypocritical, but I take the mick out of him slightly. It's for his effeminate charms, and the over excited telling of the forecast he does. His sexual orientation rarely comes into the banter. This cunt shouted out "Fucking poofy prick!" in the loudest North-of-England accent you could imagine.
- The "Lads!!!1!!" cunt. This boy loves to "woof!" and "wayhey!" when ever someone not male comes on the TV, even yesterday saying he'd "Facking love to ride her!" when talking about Esther Ransen.
- the worst of all: The Banter Cunt. He's so terrible it's hard to put down in words. Basically he pats you on the back, makes jokes about your hair, said to my face that I "Could do with a shave and a hair cut!" and then proceded to remark everytime we pass in the corridor that "you've still no shaved yet ya clatty bastard!" forgetting that he himself smells of pish, stale coffee, ejactulate material and wet socks left in the washing machine too long. The reason he thinks this is cool is because he doesn't realise that I don't want to be noticed, I am happy to silently slip in and out of the rooms without even being noticed; I'm annoymous, and that works for me.

Then there's the pretentious self loving cunt who is too smart for his own good and writes a blog about them.