Keep it Scottish

From my Twitter feed. Started doing some themed posts last month, and I think they are funny. Like that mad guy on the tube that laughs at his own jokes. Anyway, here's the archive so far for those who don't believe in the 140 character micro-blogging universe.

Keep it Scottish: glasgae kiss a cunt.

Keep it Scottish: have a heart attack

Keep it Scottish: Have a bottle of Irn Bru for breakfast.

Keep it Scottish: Have a bottle of Buckie in the toilet cistern for Emergencies.

Keep it Scottish: a full Scottish breakfast with a side of a full Scottish breakfast.

Keep it Scottish: Pretend you know the lyrics to Auld Lang Syne at New Years, and then tutt at anyone who obviously doesn't.

Keep it Scottish: hate English people, even if you like them.

Keep it Scottish: Mock American's on their "Scotch" ancestry whilst being in love with the American States.

Keep it Scottish: Roll your Rs and swear with a vengeance even when you are being nice.

Keep it Scottish: Instead of actually washing your body, just spray some Lynx over the affected zones. (see also: Glasgow Shower)

Keep it Scottish: berate a Ginger person even when you yourself is Ginger.

Keep it Scottish: Deride anyone who spells Whisky with an "e" and then spell Scottish with one "t".

Keep it Scottish: Laugh with Frankie Boyle's jokes about Dundee and then remember that you are finding the joke funny and not his accent.

Keep it Scottish: scoff at people calling Great Britain "England" but mistakenly call Canadians American.

Keep it Scottish: argue that TV coverge of Scottish football is shit and then watch Match of the Day religously.

Keep it Scottish: Wear a kilt to any semi-serious occasion, and then look oddly at the "lesbian" woman wearing troots (tartan trousers).

Keep it Scottish: have two voices, one for your mates and the pub, another for telephone calls, but don't change the parlance.

Keep it Scottish: Laugh when someone mentions a deep fried Mars Bar but secretly wish you had a deep fat fryer to try deep fat Twixes.

Keep it Scottish: Tentatively ask for Irn Bru in English restaurants and then complain when you are forced to choose Pepsi or Coca Cola.

Keep it Scottish: Say aye instead of yes, say awright instead of hello, but laugh when someone says Edinburg instead of Edinbur-ah.