Aberdeen, Glasgow, Brussels, Bruges, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Edinburgh Part 4 – Food, Reviewed. Like those two Burglars Off Masterchef.

I went on Holiday to Aberdeen, Glasgow, Brussels, Bruges, Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Edinburgh and these are the posts from this trip.

Brussels 1 – Salmon Tagliatele
This was our first night eating and we might have shot our load a little too early – as we were sat down by the waiter his children were taking cardboard boxes out to the bins. I think we had jumped into the restaurant just as he had opened the doors. We had travelled across the Grand Sea, so were famished, and we had to eat. I had Tagliatele, in a creamy sauce with Salmon, much to the surprise of no one. It was very nice, right portion size, good salmon, well cooked, loads of spinach which amused no one just yet, because Shayan had yet to point out that I laugh like Popeye. Shayan, once again provided the banter, by pronouncing the French for Orange Juice “Juice do Oraonge” instead of “Juss de Oraon”. 7/10
Brussels 2 – Moule Frites
Stunning. Simply put, a massive bucket of mussels and a bowl of chips. So easy to eat and to make I will be trying this next week in my own house. The addition of Mayonaise as standard is also the way forward for chips and should be rolled out across this country right away. 9/10
Rotterdam – Steak, Rare
Steve’s choice was in Rotterdam and he chose an expensive steakhouse. It was very good – for me and Jonathan, who decided to have from the grill. I had a massive steak, chips, and free access to a salad bar. Jonathan had fish, and too a side and salad. Steve and Shayan both went for pasta (in a Steakhouse) and got fuck-all. Serves them right – my steak was amazing and the chips were good. Jonathan liked his too. Steve and Shayan rued their choice and paid for it by having to dance like loons at the beach club. I dance like a loon because I am a loon. 8/10
Amsterdam 1 – Chinese Food
Mr Tongs was a good choice because of the size of the portions. Once again, however, I made the error of ordering noodles as well as rice. I do this all the time, I am not going to stop anytime soon. Until they start putting noodles in the rice, then I am still going to be spending £3 extra every time. After choosing satay-ed prawns I smugly awaited my food and found simply the worst starter I have ever had – warm peanut butter smeared to distraction all over coldish prawns. This is the culinary equivalent of buying a Ferrari and asking for it to “come in the colour of shit”. Bad choice. Luckily, Jonathan is a mentalist and actually liked the combination, so I swapped. The main course was abundant and sweet and lovely, being chicken in a sweet (but not very) sour sauce. Inside in a massive pineapple. Was most excellent and set us up for a night of drinking and going to see a show of some description. 6/10
Amsterdam 2 – Hard Rock Café
Once again we all made a mistake. Choosing to go to Hard Rock café was obvious as we all like it, and knew what we were getting ourselves into, so not a problem there, but once again I make a mistake and buy a starter. Not as big a mistake as Jonathan who, under the teutlage of Steven, orders nachos to start and when asked “do you want meat, chicken or pork on it?” answered “Yes!”. It cost around £40 after this mistake, the brunt of which Jonathan took on his chin. My main of the classic burger was exemplary, and rounded off a good upturn in the food stakes after the previous night’s horror show.