Or drowning slowly. I suppose there is a strange affinity with the sea, and water, that humans have. We drink it to stay alive, we use it to cook, wash, clean, we long to be be in it, near it, swimming in it, and it’s really pretty to look at, but we cannot be in it for a long period of time as it will kill us. It’s the biggest unchartered area on our planet, stupidly called Earth, and all because millions of years ago our ancestors decided that “enough was enough” and we had to leave the hostile world of the water.

It was probably the stupidest decision we’ve ever made, save for loosing most of our hair. It’s a strange place to leave, the sea, it being so full of life and space and, essentially, everything that we would need. If only our evolution had let us leave, maybe we’d be sentient beings in the sea. Maybe I’d be writing this about how it’d be “so much better on land”.

As a grown-up I can swim moderately. My stamina doesn’t allow for long periods of time to swim, and that’s my problem I suppose. It comes from a lack stamina naturally really, something that my football is working to solve. Playing week in week out actually has helped and has given me a second wind so to speak, but swimming for some reason is still the hardest work out my body has to do – it’s because it’s the best work out you can do, I suppose, aerobically, but I find it slightly boring at points.

In fact, I find most exercise boring. Running on a treadmill is rubbish – I am not built for running. I don’t enjoy it, will never enjoy it, and can’t see any reason to do it. With my lack of football this week I feel I have to go and run, to get some aerobic exercise, but there’s a lack of guilt when I don’t enjoy running.

So I go swimming, which feels like I am doing more and feels better when I finish. I have a sense of accomplishment because I feel that we aren’t mean to be swimming, but we are meant to be running. As land mammals running is what we do best, and has kept us alive, so I feel like I am doing Darwin a favour, so when the Flood comes I can tread water for 30 minutes before perishing.

Basically I am writing this to try and justify my lack of running at the gym. I do weights and swimming, and maybe go on the cross trainer, but I just don’t do running. It’s shit. I’m shit at it. I don’t enjoy it. Swimming is wear it’s at. Or ice skating. Or eating Kettle Chips whilst sitting in the flat drinking tea.